The One Where I Get a Date

That’s right. My last night at BAM: I got a date!

I was just working as I always do: friendly, smiley, fun! I try to entertain myself as much as possible by talking to the customers as much as humanly possible and pass as much time as I can.

So this cutish redheaded guy comes up to the customer service desk and asks me to help him find some stuff for this paper he’s writing on the counter culture and I spend a good half hour trying to help him, smiling, not even flirting it up too much, just being me. And then I loaned him my pen just before I was paged back to the register and I told him that if he even thought of stealing my pen, I would be on to him like white on rice.

So before he left, he came back up to the register and said, “I wanted to return your pen.” And I took my pen.

And then as he handed me a small piece of paper he said, “And I wanted to give you my number in case you ever wanted to hang out.”

I texted him tonight and we chatted for a bit. We’re gonna do something next week.

Highlight of the night: Finding out that Christopher Moore has a new book coming out.

AND

DRUM ROLL…………….

BUT I NO LONGER WORK AT BAM!!!

The One With Visual Media!

Last night, while we were cleaning the store, we found this:

The One Where I Tell a Coworker’s Story

From S:

Someone called BAM on Friday and asked me to check for a magazine called “Mike Skylar Bodybuilding.” He added that it was really thick, like a book, so he didn’t know if it was a book or a magazine. “It’s really thick (that’s what she said) but it’s a magazine. Or a book?”

After doing a search and coming up with nothing, I asked him to spell the name of the magazine/book. He got very offended and said he didn’t know how to spell it either….But he had a copy right next to him, so he reluctantly spelled out:

“m-u-s-c-u-l-a-r-d-e-v-e-l-o-p-m-e-n-t”

And he wanted the MARCH issue. He was very perturbed when I told him it was only Jan. 23 and that the March issue would not be out for a couple weeks.

He then called again the next day. I happened to pick up the phone and he proceeded to ask me the same question AGAIN!!! I guess he thought I was lying to him the day before?

We need new jobs.

The One Where I Quit

I put in my 2 weeks on Monday.

They were displeased.

I had a job interview at Outback yesterday. It went well. I have one at Olive Garden today.

Wish me luck.

The One Where Johnny Depp Calls

So I’m looking for a new job.

In the last 2 weeks, I have applied to easily two dozen places (if not more) including restaurants and clerical/receptionist positions. So far, I have an interview with Olive Garden on Wednesday.

Today, I receive a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize. This is the convo:

Me: Hello?
Him: Hi. May I please speak to A?
Me: This is A.
Him: Hi. This is Johnny Depp.
Me: *a beat* Hi, Johnny. How are you?
Him: *laughs* Actually this is T with Outback Steakhouse. You submitted an application to us last week?
Me: *laughing* Oh yeah! I did.
Him: And on here, you said that you would be willing to work here until Johnny Depp marries you. So, are you still interested in the job?
Me: *laughing* YES! Yes, I am.
Him: How about an interview on Tuesday?

So I have an interview on Tuesday at Outback.

Looks like my wacky sense of humor is appreciated by SOMEBODY.

The One Where I Study Astrology

Cute bearded guy did NOT come back yesterday. I am very disappointed.

They put me in the back of the store yesterday, which means that (a) I hardly get any customers and (b) no one can really see me. So I spent most of my time reading about my astrological sign and getting a little creeped out. I’ve never been one for astrology but I figured I could learn something while I was doing nothing at the register, and my god, I freaked myself out — I *AM* my sign, to a T. Everything I read in all of the books I read (maybe 4 or 5), it was like they were writing about ME. Creepy.

Highlight of the day:

A woman comes up to me.

“Can I help you find something?” I ask.

“Yes. I need a book on computers. Like computers for dummies.”

“Right this way,” I say as I lead her to the computer isle. “Is this for mac or pc?”

She looks at me dumbfounded. “I don’t understand.”

“Mac or PC?”

“What’s that?”

I stare at her, trying not to laugh (is she joking with me?) and I ask, “What kind of computer is this for?”

“A laptop.”

I wanted to facepalm so badly.

“No, I mean, is it a Mac or a PC? Is it a Windows machine or a Leopard?”

“Its a Sony.”

“Ok, so its Windows machine.”

“What does that mean?”

I spent the next 20 minutes with this woman explaining the difference in the operating systems and trying to find a book that was dumb enough for her. She told me it had Microsoft on it and a camera. It was a Sony Vaio. When I asked if she had ever owned a computer a before she said that someone had set her up “a email” that she used once in a while and she checked her bank account online. Please God, help this poor woman who uses these infernal machines for her online banking…

“I don’t understand why they just can’t all be the same and be done with it.” She shakes her head, disgusted with the fact that we don’t all just use monochrome screens on a Commodore 64. Maybe she would prefer a typewriter?

“If we only had one operating system or computer standard, there would be no need for innovation and we would never progress our technological standards. Healthy competition amongst software vendors ends up giving computer users more options in their computing experience.”

“Well, there are just too many options.”

Too many options? There are 3 viable operating systems out there and a few others that very few people know how to use. How is that TOO MANY OPTIONS? I ended up giving her my number and email address just in case she wanted private lessons.

The One Where I Get Hit On

…. and hit back!

Today was boring but not stab-my-eyes boring. I was stocking the kids section and working the register most of the day. While I was working the front counter, this guy comes up – he looks vaguely familiar – and buys a magazine. He says to me, “Do you swim at the Y?” [which is just as bad as asking a dude if he works out]

“Why, no I don’t.”

“Oh… you just look really familiar. I know I’ve seen you somewhere.”

“Have you been here before?”

“Yeah…. I live in the XXX area.”

“I live there too. Maybe we’ve been to the same grocery store.”

“Maybe. Ok! See ya later!”

And he leaves.

10 minutes later, he comes back. To buy a magnifying glass. As I am checking him out, he says, “So, if you’re not seeing anyone, can I get your email address? Maybe we could go out sometime?”

I’m not *actually* dating someone, but I was being kinda shallow – he wasn’t cute. So I said, “Ummmmm, yeah I am seeing someone. I’m sorry. BUT I love your brazenness! I love that you even asked! That’s great!”

And he smiled and was like “yeah, thanks. But you look really good so I had to ask.”

And he left.

I felt flattered and tried gabbing about it with my 45 year old co worker. That didn’t work so well.

Then later, there was this cute nerdy bearded guy helping his 11-year-old niece (?) find a book and since I was stocking kids books, he asked my opinion. And we got into a pretty deep conversation about books and stuff and after I got the impression that he wasn’t crazy, religious, crazy religious or already married, I started flirting a bit. We talked for a good 10 minutes or so and then I had to go help someone else. I had hoped that he had noticed my charming smile and might come back. BUT THEN when I went back to the register, he was checking out at T’s register and she had tried selling him a discount card – which he rejected – but then after he was done, he was like “so do a lot of people buy the card?” and T started saying that people who buy a lot of books actually save a lot of money with the card.

“You should get one,” she says.

“Yes, you should.” I agree. “Next time you come in….. which should be Wednesday. After 4.”

He smiles and looks at both of us and says, “Maybe next time I will. Next time I come in. Which apparently will be Wednesday. After 4.”

I really hope he comes back.

The One Where I Hate My Job and Want to Quit

Its official. I hate working at BAM.

I am looking for a new job. Hopefully one that would keep me from having to change my blog title….. so that’s why I applied at Hooters.

I also applied to a bunch of other places. But keep your fingers crossed. I need a new job.

The One Where I Keep Forgetting To Post

After Christmas, I had a week off of work – wooooo – so I kinda forgot that I had a blog and that I should update. I have since lost track of how many days I’ve been working at the bookstore but I am definitely still working there and its going okay so far. I have been put in charge of the Kids Department which is weird because (a) I didn’t want the position and (b) I don’t like kids that much. In fact, I really don’t like kids at all. There are very few children I have met that I like – my cousins, who are incredibly well-behaved are at the top of the list of Awesome Kids and my ex-boyfriend’s daughter is also pretty much one of the coolest kids I’ve ever met. BUT the kids that come rampaging through the bookstore like its their mission in life to destroy any semblance of order… I HATE THEM.

I also hate stupid people. I don’t understand why more than 50% of our customers are stupid. Maybe its not even stupidity but just a lack of common sense or an abundance of social awkwardness….? Or maybe they just don’t leave the house very often and therefore don’t know how to deal with things like CREDIT CARD MACHINES?

I have a diagram to help me explain my point.

This amazingly realistic drawing represents the front counter at the bookstore. The green boxes with numbers represent the 4 registers and the pink boxes with letters represent the credit card machines. Now, just to be perfectly clear, credit card machine A goes with register 1, B goes with register 2, and so on.

So if I am working at Register 3 and tell the customer “You can go ahead and swipe your credit card” why do they swipe it in credit card machine B? Or if I am working at Register 2, why do they swipe at credit card machine C? I don’t understand. Isn’t it obscenely obvious that the credit card machine NEXT to the register is the one you are supposed to use? No? No? How can I make it more obvious?

So of course, I always apologetically say “no, this one here” and the person acts one of two ways: either really embarrassed that they didn’t see the right credit card machine OR really defensive like its MY fault that they used the wrong machine, like I had hidden the correct machine from them. As someone who works in customer service, it is, of course, my job in life to make my customers’ lives as painful and stressfilled as possible. Didn’t you know that?

Day 13: The one where I really didn’t want to go to work

Why are people so dumb? I had no fewer than 6 people ask me to look up books today but all they knew about the book was that it had word X in it.
“yeah, I think ‘clocks’ is in the title…. its like a kids book?”
“um yeah, its called Bastard something.”
“Can you help me find a book? I don’t know the title or the author but I know its a series…”

Also, the credit card machine? NOT THAT HARD TO USE. You swipe your card the same way in EVERY machine. Magnetic stripe down and THROUGH the swiper part. There was this old lady who swiped it SO slowly the machine didn’t even understand it had been used. So I say “You need to swipe it again.” and she does again SO SLOWLY like she’s never seen this before. So she says “I don’t understand why its not working.” That’s when I see she’s not swiping the stripe. So I say “turn it around” and she looks at me all confused and says, “I don’t use this very often…” so I take the card from her and swipe it for her on the keyboard and then she had wanted to run it as debit but it had run as credit because she hit cancel instead of entering her pin and when I handed her the slip of paper to sign she goes, “What am I supposed to do?” and I say “You just need to sign this. You card ran as credit instead of debit.” She then asks me “what’s the difference?”

Really?

Highlight of the day: (Just a quick reminder: I do not work for Barnes and Noble). I look up a book for a customer on the phone and when it turns out that we don’t have it in stock and she needs it for Christmas, she asks me, “Is there anyway you could check to see if Barnes and Nobel carries the book? Or maybe Borders?” Um, no.